Why I decided not to go to the college graduations
When I told people that I was not going to any of the graduation ceremonies: the big Commencement or the department one, people always end up giving me a big “REALLY”.
Luckily, my friends and families all choose to respect my decisions in the end. But I also would like to explain the reasonings behind my decision to those I haven’t and encourage those who might face the same decision to choose what is truly right for them.
I do not look at life as a summary of milestones
The society tells us that your life is divided into different stages by milestones, such as going to college, getting married, having a baby, getting retired etc.
The society also tells us that for all those milestones you accomplished, you should have a big celebration.
When you graduate, you walk at the ceremony. When you get married, you throw a wedding. When you have a kid, you have a baby shower. When you retire, you have a retirement party.
Of course I think it is true that all those events are important to us and it is great to share the joy with the people we love and care about.
I just think that those so-called life events do not actually divide our lives into sections. It is not that I become a different person the next day after I graduate.
The change is distilled into every single day when I fail, grow, and understand more about myself.
The life I have share with others, the relationships I have built are there and will continue being there.
Therefore, the celebration really should be continuous, instead of being forced to be compacted into one single day.
When other people chose to celebrate by sitting in the giant Husky Stadium with 5000 people and taking pictures in the cap and gown, I chose to have a drink with a few groups of old friends and catch up with one another’s life like we always did and probably always will.
I think that is a better way for me to share my joy with the people I love instead of paying $70 for some clothing that I will only wear once, and melting in heat sitting with a bunch of people I am not really close to, and waiting hours for someone to finally call my name and have a picture with a fake diploma.
I am not trying to offend anyone who chooses to go to the graduation. Everyone is different. It is for sure a big day. Especially for those who are the first in the family to graduate college, it is truly a huge accomplishment. We have all the freedom to pick our own way to celebrate our accomplishments. It is just that I chose a way that is a bit unusual.
I already earned myself the biggest reward
Standing here and looking back, I can remember all the struggles and growth throughout college. I think I already earned my biggest reward.
First year of college, I discovered design as a possible career choice. Before that, I have never thought I will be anywhere close to becoming a designer.
I took Design 166 and got accepted into the Design program after a whole quarter long of self doubting, endless tears and complete lack of sleep.
I still remember myself cutting cardboards in the library and seeing sunlight comes through the window, and realize that it is already 5AM, and then start to feel desperate because I might still get a critique about how horrible my design is after all the work.
It was not a pleasant experience. But looking back now, it is still one of my proudest moments. For the first time, I realize that I can have so much potential when getting pushed hard, that even if I was and am nowhere close to a good designer, I can still produce good work if I keep trying.
After all the years just studying for the sake of studying, I found something I am passionate about and would devote my life to.
Second year of college, I stretched myself really far and was involved in a lot of activities.
I remember at one point, I was in 4 student organizations including one I was running on top of working at ASUW, the undergraduate student government.
I met a lot of people all across disciplines. I realize I was lucky to be in a university where there are so many people from completely different cultural backgrounds, studying completely different fields, and striving for completely different goals.
I had to admit, I did not learn or accomplish too much because my devotion to each activity was limited. But only through the breath, I found depth into what I truly care about.
Therefore, the third year of college I devoted 15 hours a week running Pixel Husky, at the time the only design club has a substantial presence on University of Washington Seattle campus.
I put together a 7-week long events involving 150 participants and 15 companies with 7 talented officers. It is the first event of its kind. From forming the idea, to fundraising for the first time, to actually running the event, I cannot be more proud of myself and my team.
It was also the year of internship hunting. From October to April, I interviewed 18 companies. For the first time, after being a flower in a greenhouse for 20 years, I see the real world: how competitive it is, and how many opportunities it presents.
I remember I cried getting rejected a million times 4 months into the process, doubting myself as a designer and thinking all my efforts going to waste and never ever going to get a job. It was a humbling experience, seeing all the talents in this world and how far away I was from them.
And then, the last year of college, I decided to work less and spend more time trying all the things I always wished to do.
I started taking classes in Japanese tea ceremonies, learned how to ski, shot a gun, went to Morocco and Costa Rica by myself, read more than 20 books, did a capstone in coffee user experience, an area I was always curious about.
All these experiences shaped me as a person. Some of them I will carry with me. Some of them I will store them in my drawers of memory.
Now here I am, after all the explorations and experiments, I realize how much I miss designing, and how excited I am to start designing again.
I have come this far in four years and I know I will go further in another four years. A graduation ceremony feels insignificant as only a dot on my timeline of life. I do not need an ending because there is no ending.
I will continue to grow and I already earned myself the biggest reward.
My parents are not coming
Right, my parents are not coming to the graduation, but it really is not horrible as people assume it to be.
I know there are parents who are always there for their children, and want to participate in every single important moment of their lives. But they are not my parents.
When I was younger, like many other kids, I was a lot of more sensitive about these things. I do not understand why I never have birthday gifts or pocket money. I do not understand why I am always by myself whether it is moving to a boarding school or coming to the United States for the first time.
But now, I understand. Because my parents are human beings too.
Their roles in the society are not limited to just being my parents.
They are also entrepreneurs who have to contribute to the society, employers who have to take care of their employees, son and daughter who have to take care of their parents, and just people who are burdened by responsibilities and sometimes need a break for themselves.
Yes, they are not always there for every single moment of my life. But they are the best role models I can ask for, who I can look up to every single moment of my life.
They taught me how to be independent and how to care about others. They supported me when I decided to chase after my passion not knowing anything about the job market. Most importantly, I know that they are the only people in this world who will always love me for who I am, even if sometimes it is not in the most obvious way. I might lose everyone else, but I will always still have them.
So to me, whether they can be at my graduation or not is really not that big of a deal. It is not worth a flight ticket that costs thousands or their time coming all the way here. We can celebrate when they are more free to take a vacation or when I can go back.
Final Note
In the end, I want to thank all the people I have met through college who inspired me and encouraged me to always be true to myself.
Especially for the great teachers in my life such as:
- Karen Cheng (who introduced me to the world of design and inspired me everyday as a great professor)
- Matthew Taylor (who taught me apes are different from monkeys and made me to always remain curious about primates and knowledge)
- Michael Bach (who guided me into product design and will remain my greatest mentor as well as the biggest role model)
- Bonnie Mitchell and Timothy Sowa Olson (who brought me into the world of tea and a new way of living)
I am really happy that I graduate and cannot wait for more adventures ahead of me.
Thanks for reading!